My 2016 Storybook 

2016I’ve had a real shitter of a year, like a bastard to live through. I’ve nearly lost my marbles with the amount of “why me” moments I’ve screamed into my pillow last year. But one thing has prevailed, my determination to get through it. Let me just break down how shit my year has been.

Took 6 weeks off work due to stress.

“I’m not coming in because everytime I’m there my heart rate goes through the roof and my arse twitches when my manager stands up from his seat”.

I found my role at the bank really stressful. It was a customer service role telephone based and my manager was up my arse regarding stats and AHT (average handling time- average time in which it takes a call regarding any banking or mortgage query to be dealt with) being above 5 minutes and my phone once going off IN MY BAG- therefore away from my desk- which caused a manager to shout at me. I was beyond breaking point, I had broken. I started making bullshit reasons to why I couldn’t go to work and really should of said “I’m not coming in because every time I’m there my heart rate goes through the roof and my arse twitches when my manager stands up from his seat” but no I went to the doctors and begged her for some time off so I could search for another job, which I didn’t do because I was catching up on the sleepless work nights I’d been having.

Insomnia, I can tell you now, is not like me at all. I ADORE SLEEP. I can sleep standing up. My middle name should be power nap not Jane. Sleep and me should book a matrimonial service because it is honestly the best relationship I’ve had. If sleep asked me to marry it I would scream yes in its gorgeous face. You catch my drift? Mind the pun.

So when I was nodding at work because of sleepless nights, due to worry about what a cunt my manager is going to be to me, I knew I needed to go to the doctors and beg for a sick note.


In this time I focused on learning to drive. I put every extra bit of money I had into those driving lessons. I had more money not going to work-while being paid from work- than being at work. You’d think having more time on your hands you’d spend money and shit you WANT to do but all I wanted to do was sleep. Therefore I managed to save quite a bit and go HAM (hard as a mutherfucka) on the driving lessons.


I passed my test while I was still at the bank job and managed to source another interview and job pretty quickly. On the training for the new job my car got broken into and my satnav got stolen. Yippie and to top it off my really wank insurance provider who had me on a telematics (blackbox) didn’t cover theft of items so I had to pay for the satnav without actually having the glory of using it for my daily commute to Leeds. What a waste of insurance that was, if you would like to know who it is tweet me and I’ll tell you know over DM.

Then after I had my window sorted and booked another training session with the team I was to work with I desperately needed my car tracking as it was pulling to one side constantly. I took it to a tyre place and they took mine off gave me a new one, which became flat the day after, they then replaced that one with an illegal bold tyre. Nice work lads, thanks for giving me a shite tyre for the semi okay one I gave you.

Then that night as I’m prepared to go driving with my bold tyre back to my boyfriends house I skipped out the door, my foot landed rolled in and my body twisted. I BROKE MY FUCKING LEG. Both bones in my right leg so no more driving for me. This was literally one month and 24 days after I passed my test. Woe is me.


However in 2016 I really found out who my greatest friends are as the ones I thought were my best friends were just using me as a time filler for when other friends where not available. I had become really close to one friend in particular and my break happened just has I had taken her to get her brand new DS3 from a car supermarket near by my village, since breaking my leg I have seen her 3 times. This is once a month and honestly I do not consider that great friendship upkeep, if it had happened to her I would have been around to hers most weeks. So I do consider that a plus as I feel like you get to know what people really are willing to do for you.

I graduated finally having not been to my graduation ceremony the year before.

I passed my driving test in 2016 which was a big thing to my work-related anxiety. I hated the bus to work. I hated having to wake up 2.5 hours earlier for a 30 minute car commute that took 55 mins on a bus to get to work and share public transport with people who had no idea of personal space. Passing my test was brilliant.

My relationship with my boyfriend intensified. I can honestly say that I have never loved anyone more than I do him right now.  I can remember when he picked me up off the floor when I laid on the ground with my broken leg and when I think about it if I had not told him I was going to the car as he was getting something upstairs from my bedroom he probably would have saved me if he was near me when I fell. I’m positive of it.

And that Ladies and Gents is the story about the worst year of my life.


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